Life is Short

Sometimes I look around and realize how far I've come from what I used to be.
I remember how it was, just two years ago. I was freshly inserted into society, like a newborn trying to get a grasp on what this big, cold, wonderful world meant. And all I wanted to do was to be a part of it. A true part. I didn't want to be different anymore. I wanted to fit in.
Today, standing out front of the little school I've been back at for less than a month, the same thought plagued me. "When will I ever fit in?" Till it hit me. I do fit in. In a twisted, skewed way, I've become "one of them".
When I think back on my past, it seems like a distant memory. Something that's not altogether real. Possibly just a figment of my imagination. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion at some point two years ago, experiencing a twisted version of my past while in the clutches of a coma. Maybe.
But then, there are others that know the truth. They validate me. They help me to remember that I'm not crazy. That my mind hasn't fed me thoughts so sick, that if they were the product only of my own brain I could be put behind bars. That's the fantastic thing about being a victim. The thoughts in your head were caused by some third party. Not you. It's not you that's sick. It's someone else. At least that's what we're told.
So at times like this, I look back. I compare my lives. Because that's what they really are. Two entirely seperate lives.
I suppose I can't entirely complain about my past. I can't throw it out entirely and turn cold and bitter about what was taken away from me. Because a lot was given at the same time. In the form of some sort of sick joke, I've been given something priceless.
I will never fit in 100%. But that's not something I'm sad about. I have something more than the average person my age. I've seen things that most people, of any age, have not and probably will never see. I've experienced things that have tempered me into the person I am today. I see the world through different eyes. I am critical; I am logical; I am a fast thinker, because I have needed to be so. I take nothing for granted. I may let the world quietly slip by at times, missing opportunities that I should have caught, but no one person is perfect.
The difference is I can see it. I can see the bigger picture.
So when people tell me that I'm special, I try not to figure out why they're obviously wrong. It's hard to do, because I've always been told that it's not me. That I am nothing in myself, when the truth is, it's all me. It's the choices I've made in life, both the bad and the good, that have made me who I am. That have made me capable of what I am capable of now.
I look back, and still feel like the young girl from two years ago. But that's not right, because that's not who I am anymore. Yes, I'm still young, but with every day, with every passing minute, I am learning something that tempers me. Ever evolving, I choose my own path. I choose - I, not anyone else - where I go from here.
It's frightening, yes. But it's also exhilerating.